Sorry I have been out for awhile ppl i have had so much going on in my life.  I can proudly say that in april my mother and I found out that i was a month pregnant-I was so excited and overjoyed by the news. My mother and I made a plan and she was going to sit in the labor and delivery room with me and see me the whole way through.  Well Sadly but surely we lost my mom in May and very heartbroken I just closed myself in-however i am proud to say i have bounced back.  Despite a very MISERABLE sister-n-law that stops at nothing to intrude in others pplz lives.  It all began with her in January when i became friends with a very gay guy that she had a crush on for like forever and she just assumed he was my man.  Well the truth is I knew all along that the recent stint he did in federal prison made-me, her , r her cousin that "was in love with him"-not "his type at all".  However as the old cajuns say Sa La Vie.  Well In March When I got pregnant it was with another guy that could care less for her but in her poor sad MISERABLE life she thought she was in love with her r her with him-so needless to say things went downhill from there between me and her.  Regretfully my mother was dateing her TOTAL MISERABLE LOSER of an uncle and while that always made things awkward with everyone when my mom died it left a huge rift-CAUSE QUITE FRANKLY THERE WAS NO REASON FOR ANY ONE TO STAY TIED TO EACH OTHER ANY MORE.  Because like really my momz cancer had been back for 7 yearz and regardless of me telling ppl that they didnt beleive me.  She had met the uncle in the last 2 years of her life and also the last stage of her cancer long after it had reached her brain-and I just sat back and let them date.  Even though he would steal her pills and money and there WERE some very ugly fights-I LET IT GO ON BVECAUSE I FELT MY MOM DESERVED AT THAT A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS BEFORE SHE PASSED-HOWEVER FUCKED UP A FORM THAT HAPPINESS WAS IN.  Since her passing LES MISERABLES and her uncle and her vengeful daughter have spread many of lies about me AND used there fake god to curse me.  Well here is what i have to say to that-#1FOR EVERY ACTION IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION AND #2ME AND MY MOM HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENS FOR 34 YEARZ AND FOR 7 OF THOSE WE FOUGHT HER BATTLE TOGETHER SO I IM GOOD WITH MY LIFE AND ALL IVE DONE-UNLIKE THEM I HAVE NO REGRETS IN LIFE BECAUSE #3 ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE AND HE WHO LAUGHS LAST LAST THE LONGEST.  So to all the readers Im back and stay tuned to more to come

Where Do Good Folks Go When They Die:

Well I dont and will never know. Today I lost my very best friend:MY MOMMA. I shall alwayz remember her and keep her close to my heart.  It was very unexpected and sudden.  Im still in a type of haze of disbeleivement just waiting for reality to hit.  When people say it is the worst heartache they are right-You never know how it truly feels until it has happened to you. I myself know that she knows i loved her but we bickered alot. And it is true that the small things in the end dont really matter-because you never know how short that time really is. There is truly a peice of my soul missing tonight-may she have a great jorney. Shall we meet again one day soon. But on a better note to all this i am now 2 weeks late on my cycle which would make me 5-6 weeks pregnant-and i really now am hoping i am so much. Because maybe my mom can come back.The other day when i realized i was most likely pregnant-I saw the great omen of dealth. I began to cry because i knew for this baby to live sumthing r sum1 must die and sumthing told me it was my mom-BUT I KEPT MY VISIONS TO MYSELF-and tryed to not beleive it. Then as I brought the bike back to my moms house today there was a guy walking down the road. There was nothing to mysterious about him except the sort of aloofness he walked with. He asked where I was going and i told him and he said to me "Well go ahead cause ya mommaz waiting" You know itz funny how you just dont realize these things until it is to late-this will make the 3rd time that me and dealth have rum into each other. You know we have an ongoing rivalry going on the two of us-ME AND DEALTH. Itz like a chess game and it looks like he won again.So right now im going to bed maybe to dream of or make contact with my momma in my dream-DAMN SHE WAS MY BEST AND ONLY FRIEND IN THE WORLD-I LOVE YOU MOM HAVE A SAFE AND GREAT JOURNEY.

Now once upon a time there was an ice queen who never felt a thing for anyone in the world.She was a horrible person and pushed every1 away. Her heart was a block of ice if she had one at all. For a while she brought only dealth,heartache,and destruction everywhere she went. So much so that when the people noticed her-she brought fear and havoc to their hearts. She left behind her a trail of dealth and tears whereever she would go. Then one day She met The Wind and he ently blew a cool breeze through her hair and it chilled her to the bone.Then he began to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. This inspiredd warmth in her soul and from this came only one thing-the perfect love. Total creation of the two of them-the perfect being. From this she couldn't walk away. She then became happy andand had a second chance. As I tripped the other night this was my vision and just 2nite as i chilled with an old friend we both noticed that all of a sudden every one is getting dragged back 2 this sleepy little town-and being faced with sum mind altering desisions. Is it possibly itz location under orions belt or does it realy have a spell cast on it like evry1 says. Wutever the reason none of us can stay away that long and it has a hold over every1-plus there is that certain magic in the air. As i sat in the graveyard of this mysterious town the other night though and i pondered why i even cared 1 bit at all i looked up at the crisp night sky and out of nowhere the stars began to shoot non-stop. Wutevver phenomenon this was i took it as a sign from the great spirit that everything is a mystery and can be very awe inspiring. Too that no matter  what the reat spirit has our back and is always in some way listening and watching. Cause after all there was no meteor shower reported that night. With that i will leave you to ponder that wut if we knew all the answers to the stars and space-would we then have so much knowledge that we would be dumb-back like in this fabled garden of eden-IT MAKES ME WONDER!!!

Some Things They Just Never Change

It's going on 3 months or so that i've been back in this one horse town that I call my home town.  All that old charm that drew me back too is beginning to where off;and i just want to kick myself for coming back. There is always that person from the past that gets you down too-because they know. They know that one secret-the secret as to why you piced up and hauled ass in the first place. At first, like a made for T.V. movie,the two of you are kool-but then things change and they do the same ole thing that they use to do that pissed you off all those years before.  Some cases it could be a best friend, in some cases it can be an old ex, then in some cases itz your mother.  Your mother that down rates you at every chance she gets-your mother who belittles you because she looks at you and gets jealous-because you have what she let go of and you have more of it. Your mother that once a long time ago let sumone hurt you and she goes and does it again-WHY-I'm guessing it makes her feel superior in some way.However there is something that is still holding you here. Yea you and your friends blame it on the legend of the town being under a spell but in reality you know that you r back home-HOME AGAIN. Wasteing away the moments that make up a dog day and you can dig around on a peice of ground in your hometown and maybe someone can show you the way. Pink floyd hit it right on the nose with those lyrics. So I go outside and sit on the step and look at the stars cause sometimes im absolutely positive that this town is stuck in time vortex in space. Though the stars remind me that ill always have my heavenly father the great spirit in the sky; and the fresh air reminds me that im alive and at least i have my health and life and with that i sit back and escape-if only in my mind. I think of all my mistakes in life and if only I could turn back the hands of time-but i cant. So i make myself a promise to make my future way way better and to just LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND 4EVER. As i fall asleep under the twinkling stars and great big sky-I cant help but be hurt and i cry-but only to myself.Then I pick my head up and think good thouhts and they turn into great dreams-BIG dreams. I then fell into a deep sleep and hoped for a better tomorrow.JUST WAIT...IT WILL COME!!!

Broken angel, with a broken wing
Amazed to hear a demon sing.
Songs of war, and songs of love
However the angel longed for up above.
She had once loved evil, and loved him deep.
As a consequence her tears now did seep.
She bet God she would turn him good-
Although you can not make gold from a mere piece of wood.
Now there she wept all alone;
As she gave props to God on his throne.
So God mended her wing,and her broken pure heart-
Then sent her off with the promise of a brand new start.

Once upon a time I met this man and his eyes stared right through me and we fell in love. But at night he would have horrible dreams and talk and thrash about in his sleep. Now the Great Spirit told me this man has a very dark side-in fact he is pure evil. As we dicussed it further the Great Spirit had informed me that the man with the snake eyes that i had instantly fell in love with had been put under a spell in which he appeared like every other man-BUT the Great Spirit warned me-THAT MAN IS PURE EVIL. Well I told The Great Spirit me being of such a pure heart-I could work with him and turn him good. After alot of back and forth the Great Spirit said okay that I could try-that all I need do is get him to go to church just one time.Me being naive and stupid but with a heart of gold accepted my own challenge-because pretty much sometime I cant accept no for an answer anyway. Long story short-me and the "snake eyes"'-this is what we will call him-we fell madly truly and deeply in love and we got married. Well the Great Spirit was right and for awhile it looked like i could win-but theGreat Spirit as I have learned is always right. Now you may ask why was he so evil and all i can tell you is we all have demons but some peoples are way worse and way more horrific than others. Snake eyes had a very horrific childhood and it was very hard to get away from much less forget. Although I really think if me and snake eyes had never returned back to our hometown there would have been hope for him. Because home holds a different meaning to everyone it meets. Me and snake eyes where from the same hometown and met years later in a far away place-we fell in love and got married then returned to our hometown that had a different meaning,different demons,and most of all a different fate for us both. As an angel though-I still think there is a little hope for snake eyez after all-maybe we can try again one day r maybe there will be another angel to take his case. I myself will always care for poor snake eyes. THE END

Well everyone im back, i needed a little vacation of my own terms. maybe in about two weeks i may be taking a vacation far away-if you know what i mean-so you may not hear from me in a while but anyway LOL. My journey this time took me all the way to the big city of new orleans to the celebration known as MARDI GRAS-it means fat tuesday in french and it is esentially the last day of partying before the beginning of lent or ash wendsday. My mardi gras started out at 7:00 a.m. as i woke up and got dressed for a day and night and next day of partying-well i got dressed for eight o'clock a.m. got down to where the parade route was so i could get a place in the front of the crowd-being that the ZULU parade is one of the finest parades in the festivities. they actually throw painted coconuts and sculpted coconuts and instead of the french quarter- I decided to go a little off the beaten track and go down to the poorer part of town-on Claiborne street. That way i got a better feel of new orleans and the culture and atmosphere that makes everyone fall in love with it at first sight. As i got 2 claiborne street at eight o'clock in the morning the festivities were already well under way underneath the overpass at claiborne and orleans avenue. they morning started off with forties and zydeco. Well after 2 forties and the ZULU parade about to start needless to say "I had to fucking pee-SO SO VERY BAD".  So I went to the corner store-no i couldnt pee there-i even told them i was pregnant-guess what i couldnt pee=well fuck em i says. Well i walked about a half mile down to a quaint quiet little bar called the black pearl-here i finally got to releive myself and it felt so damn good. So I ran back and caught the parade and had a great time as by the end of the Zulu parade i had smoke two blunts right there in the open with two complete stranger-it was great and for what they said was hydro and purple was some damn good weed if i must say so myself. After the next parade i returned to the "The Black Pearl" once more and i not only partyed and took in this unique culture:but i made a bunch of new friends just in that one small moment of my life-it was absolutely great. I then walked right back down the street-under the overpass- to where the "Brass Bands" had begun to play at this mock festival-i smoked more weed that the east indian store owner called shiva plus i drank some more=then i proceded to feel the beat of the music and not thinking not looking and mainly not even careing i just danced,it was absolutely great. I can honestly say that I havent felt that free in a long long time but hopefully one day i can feel that free again=if not just in my dreams. Then there was also what is called a second line which is a independent procession-which I followed at first-but I ran into a new party scene and that was the rest of the day and night until like four in the morning the next day. i went from party to party-it was freaking awesome-and i met all sorts of people from all walks of life. Between me and you I also went to a voodoo ceremonie and got to oversee the tradition but i was told it should be top secret...It was needless to say INTERESTING. I absolutely enjoyed myself and i would recomend this trip to everyone- and I guess the lesson learned is: YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY and EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL and THERE IS SOMETHING NEW AROUND EVERY CORNER. Well I gotta Run but until next time which i promise this time wont be long. CHOW

Today I woke up and realizeed that the place where you grew up will alwayz be close to your heart- but when you go back there you can only take it in small doses. After 10 years of being gone it is even more special and holds even more humor than before you left. From your best friend that got lost to the fast life to the guy who is a total loser but in love with you still-you know the one that makes you glad you left in the first place. Suddenly one day while your walking down the road and a breeze goes through your hair-and you feel that same old magick that was always in the air in your childhood. Then you think if only I could go back and do this and what was i thinking. For just one second you say boy im glad i got away-but really none of us ever get away-we always come back. We come back with secrets and with baggage-and home is the one    place that is always their to welcome us with open arms. It is part of our fate and destiny that the great spirit has weaved for us. They say if a tree has no root it has no life-so if a man has no past then he has no future. So if your back home dont hate it just sit back and enjoy it and see what fate has in store for you.

Whatz so special about ABORTION??? 

Well I tell you what-for the young girl who ws raped her whole life by her drunk step-fatherz and got pregnant but #1-doesn't want her mental case of a mother to find out cause her mom only lives for the love of the drunk alcaholic step-father=it would literally kill the girls mother#2-cause stuff like that is enough to cause psychosis in any woman during pregnancy=the girl really beleives the child in her is evil becausethe wy it was created..#3-most of all because the girl has nothing in this world,shez and her family(her mother)are dirt poor,and most of all it is her body and she has the right to choose by the law in this country for now at least. However why deny this girl or any girl this privelegde for that matter.Now I know most of you who read my blog this is a bit of a change and maybe a bit of a bummer but just ber with me. To me all women should have the right to choose. Really even if  ABORTION is illegal most women will still turn to things such as wives tale treatments and back alley abortions which can and usually leave them with bad infections and cause dealth. And yes it is so true that sumtimes women and girls have abortions for no other resons at all except that they can- but youmust remember that these people will answer to a higher power one day. That it is not our place as humans to judge them or make the desicion for them. Just if a vote comes down to it I ask you to just please remember that young girl=that girl tht in her mind itz really the only real wayand the best solution to her personal problem. Then try to remember that if wut these people are doing by having an ABORTION is wrong then just trust that god, or jesus, or yahweh, or the great spirit,or whoever will hndle it eventully and just remember that even though itz illegal it will still happen. Infact studies show that when  women go for legal abortions and go through the conseling,ultrsounds, and ect. associted with getting a legal abortion it causes a large percentage of women to change their minds-so maybe abortion beinglegal is a sort of blessing in deguise=because afterall with back alley abortions and such-as with any black market-money is exchanged and a service is rendered-there is no one there to change your mind=cause money is money.TILL NEXTTIME PEOPLE

How lucky we are to be alive

Just three days ago i was in the emergency room and was faced with my own mortality-however it wasnt the first time in my life that I was faced with this. Although this time I was so happy to take a fresh breath of air and be alive. Sometimes-just like many people-I beleive that i can live forever;and who knows except for the great spirit this may or may not be true. Most people today strictly rely on what is told to us by the main stream media,doctors,preachers,and ect. Well guess wut people it is time to think outside the box-beleive wuts in your heart not wut everyone tells you-I mean really,  where has all the magic in the world gone; itz still there sumwhere waiting in the wings to come back out. Because for real we possibly can literally live forever- at least some of us can- and sum of us will. Now of course we can all die and most of us will die-cause if you are immortal you wont ever really know for sure but you have to protect it. So we can die but we have the ability to live forever and magick really does exsist. You just have to feel it all in your heart. However the one thing I cant shake is how as humans we all complain about our sorry and sad lives until we are faced with that same life coming to an end. At every occasion that i have watched sumone draw their last breath-the thing you noticed the most is that- YOU NEVER SEE A MAN CRY UNTIL YOU SEE A MAN DIE. That statement is "oh so true". Man sheds a tear as life flashes in front of them just to know that they will never know it again. THATZ THE TRUE SADNESS OF BEING HUMAN. We have the greatest gift of all and we usually never quite realize it-we just want more from the creator-WE ARE THE CREATORZ SPOILED LITTLE BRATZ AND WE ARE VAIN-MAYBE THATZ WHY THE ANGELZ HATE US-until next time lets ponder on that.

And there entered our Demons and they laughed and they did play,lighting candles, danceing, and so on;they made darkness in a day-AN OLDE IRISH SAYING FROM GRANDMOTHER.

These words have echoed through my head these past 2 years of being in a rut. Could things have easily worked-yes of course they could have-in another life. Sometimez those little demonz are very hard to fight-Most of the time we dont fight them at all. Heck we fucking welcome them in our lives. I am by no means perfect but Id like to think I put goodstuff out there BUT sumtimez we just have to do the hard things that most peoplesay is wrong-and thatz when those little demonz come and help us out. Ive made a decision though I never want to live in the norm again and ill learn to live and work with my deamons - cause really maybe theyre here to help out like angel. Cause for every action there is an equal shadow 2 everything right. So angel/demon-vice/versa-one in the same.But BEWARE wutever they are they will drag you down. till next time

Wellive been separated for 1 week now and im off on my jorney. Or  my journey beginz. Who knowz except the great spirit what the world has in store for me- ill just wait. Maybe love stinkz but you can honestly just get caught up careing for sum1 so much until the point that you love em; and that in turn stinkz like all hell. Though however 1 day comes a point that you just have to let them go-because they r selfish and dumband full of cum.But I shall bounce back and karma will get the most sweet revenge in the world- hell probably die a sorry old man and all lonely2. And that will be just fine by me cause i shall carry on and get that dirt straight off my shoulder. Cause in the great words of jay z  I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND THAT BITCH AINT ONE

I also have the injectable form of the disease now;and beleive me itz true when they say it bites u dead in the bone sumtimes. I mean i can go for ever- i mean a year r so wihout touching the stuff at allbut eventually therez that little demon that just wont shut the fuck up that u want to just swat dead.It just suckz so bad being addicted but then again it makes all the sad memories of life go away-like the first time that bastard touched you and stole your childhood soul. it was only good when karma caught up with his ass. but itz alright that little white pill numbs the bad feelingz for awhile and one day youll learn 2 deal and that signifigant other will just never understand u HEZ JUST A FUCKING FREAK well we love him

itz strange when the great spirit tells you that there is a gathering in the air; even stranger is realizing that it is true. you see friends from long and old that just remind you that you have just been straight upfooling yourself with life. itz like hey u r just to good for that person and you are just fooling yourself and are blinde by love, and it makes you feel so fucking stupid because on the real you really love em. Itz just so much sgit lying in the way. the great spirit made a fool of you. or maybe your heart is just to soft and the great spirit is trying to teach u a lesson. They good in bed though; but you got 2 remember there r a thousand otherz that r. but theere is still sumthing that holdz u there.itz our weaknessses as humans called love that keeps us there. I wrote a poem it start off " i left a note on your door 2day it readz im stillhere stuck in the trenches; and u out there parting-u animal   '' i guess thatz just love  but all i know this is when my worshippers com in handy. UNTIL NEXT TIME MY PEEPZ

last night i lay there in space; back in this black hole of a small town. I just laid back in bed and it was like the stars just gathered together and spiraled down in a wirlwind spiral. It was so awesome and i could almost remember the good times of the past and a old comfort crept back upon me and i slept the deepest sleep that i have ever slept in my wholelife and i had the dreams of old that people like me alwayz wish for.it was allmy people that past away over the years, They were all there and we chilled together through the whole dream-all night. Being home is great but leaving to once again explore is that drug that we all itch for. DoI stay r should i go-stay tuned and u will see.

sumtimes life is just so quiet when will it wake up and play with the energetic night outside

I hate itwhen ppl smile in your face. Like you wouldnt just rather them be themselvez in front of you. Cause sumtimeitzlike they all want you 2 go-thatz ok man i dont owe them any thing